‘Did anyone ever tell you you’re not a meatloaf?’

‘I don’t think I could sleep with a bucket of spit next to the bed.’

‘Yes, let’s NOT talk about how your brother-in-law is like a milk dud.’

‘The outer solar system has more moons than a college frat party.’

‘The only pink meats are pork, fish… and flamingo.’

‘Nothing is going to change the way I blow up zombies.’

‘Turtles are cheaper when they’re cold.’

‘I think it’s bad luck to stuff an albatross inside a turkey.’

‘There’s nothing funnier than floating space pancakes!’

‘If god were smart he would have set the whole universe up as an affiliate marketing program.’

‘There’s no such thing as a peanut butter sucking vampire.’

‘It’s very hard for cows to hotwire things, what with the hooves and all.’

‘How come you never break yolks when you don’t need to not break them?’

‘I never thought I’d have to explain that I meant the phrase ‘release the turtle methane’ literally.’

‘Good people eat seals one bite at a time.’

‘I’ve got a pricing gun and a blow torch here that say you’re wrong.’

‘It’s all fun and games until someone loses a toupee.’

‘It’s like trying to teach jellyfish how to do calculus.’

‘I think you’re overidentifying with your waffle.’

‘Parabolic foods are more trouble than they’re worth.’