‘Oh, I forgot to add that it is very likely me who stabbed you.’
Author: Kristen
‘That’s how I keep my hair so shiny, I rub an elephant on it.’
‘Only here, the snow is alive, and it bangs against the screen in your bathroom.’
‘I have to get rid of the helicopters behind me.’
‘Well the last thing I want are unfashionable eyebrows.’
‘When you’re trying to think of how to get a good night’s sleep in an uncomfortable bed, the term ‘skewers’ doesn’t usually come up.’
‘Let’s throw caution to the wind and make plans for EVERYTHING!’
‘And with the wind chill factor, it’s 20 degrees below absolute zero!’
‘It’s the cutting edge of politics in an extradinarily boring way.’
‘You can’t clean a toilet with a pencil!’
‘More people would want to have babies if they came with free garlic bread.’
‘The pain was bad at first, but then shock set in and I was fine.’
‘Couldn’t somebody just give me a gun and show me the way to the men’s room?’
‘Good news everyone! I’ve taught the toaster to feel love!’
‘Hey, it’s underwear. And it’s not in a bubble, so it must be real.’
‘Dang Canucks and their Mesopotamian gods and their Gaelic webbing.’
‘Oh, now it’s going to get all pollinated, just like the king’s penis.’
‘Hey, if there are potatoes that need to be stacked, I’m THERE.’
‘I’m having a brain hemorrhage! – I’ll get you a napkin.’
‘I sent your pants to Detroit to get revulcanized, post-haste.’