‘I think the last place you need a microchip is in your underwear.’
Author: Kristen
‘What holiday could possibly justify chocolate chicken?’
‘I feel a smidgeon under-smited, I do.’
‘I only need a half gallon of sleep each night.’
‘The problem is that reason, as we’ve come to know it, doesn’t run the universe.’
‘Oyster snorting causes a ripple in space-time.’
‘If you’re flexible enough, you can bend your knees into the 16th century.’
‘The moose failed to clear the vehicle; no citations were issued.’
‘There’s nothing more practical than singing Olivia Newton John songs.’
‘I’m pretty sure that if I just say a silly rhyme I’ll be transported back to the Earth I’m familiar with.’
‘I don’t wear coffee, and I don’t fly naked, but STILL!’
‘Heartburn is what you get when you’ve just eaten your beloved.’
‘The Chicken Sage has more dignity than that guy from Police Academy.’
‘A water balloon full of salsa – now THERE’S a bad idea.’
‘Now, now… Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.’
‘Infinity doesn’t necessarily mean you’re screwed.’
‘They expect me to pull some instant chemistry out of my ass like some demented hat trick.’
‘If I was going to eat dirt, I think that I’d boil it first.’
‘Do you know how much rigatoni it takes to make a ribcage?’
‘Sticking five sunflowers in your head would certainly be an attractive nuisance.’