‘It’s difficult to work in a group when you’re omnipotent.’
Author: Kristen
‘I’m gonna play the odds here and say it probably upsets feminists too.’
‘You don’t know what you’re missing – it’s like a slow boring tennis game if the players were long rectangles.’
‘If my feet were breasts, this would be trampy!’
‘William Faulkner could write an exhaust pipe gag that could really make you think.’
‘You’re not Christ. You’re not Hamlet. You’re not even Ralph Nader.’
‘Do not use where children or pets are present. Avoid eye contact.’
‘Neither of you are poodles!’
‘Wait, did you say you were from the nether-regions? I grew up there!’
‘But then, stink bugs might want to dance the watusi in my shorts, but you have to draw the line somewhere!’
‘Make an aardvark happy and the world is your oyster.’
‘Stop thwarting my attempts to define you with conventional labels!’
‘Would you be willing to repeat that sir, with your pants on this time?’
‘We’d climb a tree and eat a sausage… It built character, and taught us about sausages.’
‘We’ve got a blind date with destiny, and it looks like she’s ordered the lobster.’
‘Don’t worry – you’ll grow another one.’
‘Be forewarned – Most of these stories contain some kind of Danny Whumping’
‘It’s always a good idea to be able to hear the music we want to listen to, yes.’
‘In a salad bowl, no one can hear you scream.’
‘Mushroom sex is infernal; it’s very complicated.’