‘Lives rarely depend on your ability to make a small scratch in a piece of titanium, so we might as well get married now.’
‘It’s difficult to work in a group when you’re omnipotent.’
‘I’m gonna play the odds here and say it probably upsets feminists too.’
‘If my feet were breasts, this would be trampy!’
‘You don’t know what you’re missing – it’s like a slow boring tennis game if the players were long rectangles.’
‘You’re not Christ. You’re not Hamlet. You’re not even Ralph Nader.’
‘William Faulkner could write an exhaust pipe gag that could really make you think.’
‘Do not use where children or pets are present. Avoid eye contact.’
‘Wait, did you say you were from the nether-regions? I grew up there!’
‘Neither of you are poodles!’
‘But then, stink bugs might want to dance the watusi in my shorts, but you have to draw the line somewhere!’
‘Make an aardvark happy and the world is your oyster.’
‘Stop thwarting my attempts to define you with conventional labels!’
‘We’d climb a tree and eat a sausage… It built character, and taught us about sausages.’
‘Would you be willing to repeat that sir, with your pants on this time?’
‘Don’t worry – you’ll grow another one.’
‘We’ve got a blind date with destiny, and it looks like she’s ordered the lobster.’
‘Be forewarned – Most of these stories contain some kind of Danny Whumping’
‘In a salad bowl, no one can hear you scream.’
‘It’s always a good idea to be able to hear the music we want to listen to, yes.’