Author Archives: Kristen

‘Some people were just halfheartedly banging on tupperware…I could tell they weren’t really into it.’

‘I’d love to embrace you, but first I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage.’

‘You’re the only one who understands me. Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I care.‘

‘but I wanna sell out to the man!’

‘Hey, I love you… don’t make me cut your brake line!’

‘I’m going to have a near-death experience if it KILLS me!’

‘Brain FOOD, brain CANCER, same difference’

‘Facts schmacts, facts can be used to prove anything that’s even REMOTELY true!’

‘Nothing says Christmas like a cross-dressing cockroach!’