‘I was part of the conspiracy to make girls’ hair stand out the back of their heads like dorsal fins.’
‘I could sew a patch right on your eyeballs instead of those morning hamburgers we talked about.’
‘Bacon is the Cadillac of worms.’
'Birds are the greatest invention ever.'
'I'm sure SOMEONE has carried a Belgian news anchor SOMEWHERE on their
shoulders.'
'We can shine your eyeballs with a hamburger every morning!'
‘Why is your stomach kicking up so much dust on the road?’
'Smelly robotic penguins are the perfect anniversary gift!'
‘There are five Sals in my family and I’m always related to them.’
‘I doesn’t LOOK like an optical illusion!’
'And please, no pterodactyls with MSG – those just make me thirsty.'
‘Does undersea goat cheese come from Capricorns?’
‘Ghosts go well with Fritos.’
‘I’m starting to feel like a second wheel around here.’
‘What kind of sauce do you put on a Jesus fish?’
‘Matzo is NOT made out of flattened cats.’
‘Bleeding is not an effective way to increase the relative humidity!’
‘It’s like Tourette syndrome with vegetables.’
‘Stop complaining about the gnomes; they live in your nose hair and have no interest in towels.’
‘I wield a wine bottle like a girl.’