‘It’s like hearing into the infrared!’
‘Kidney beans are the steak of beans, while black beans, if they were steaks, would be the bean of steaks.’
‘In my next life I want to be reincarnated as a muppet.’
‘All I have to do is use a public phone and my life will be complete.’
‘Random acts of kindness take on a whole new perspective when they come running up with an AK-47; it’s kind of like trying to kill someone with a puppy.’
‘I don’t recommend trying to add louvres to your neck.’
‘Once you start conjugating nouns, you’re lost.’
‘Ask me about my earwax!’
‘When a man’s face falls off it’s time to reassess the situation.’
‘By the way, I’m glad we don’t chase our own breakfasts around the house.’
‘In the future, chihuahuas will be made from recycled tortilla chips.’
‘If you weren’t aware of it then I’m pretty sure you didn’t know about it.’
‘I was driven insane by the cold and my lust for ballet shoes.’
‘You have to draw the line somewhere and I’m drawing it at garlic toilets.’
‘I can actually tell the difference between fish and cows.’
‘You could, without thinking any further of it, pack the ants.’
‘You don’t want to piss off the God of Nose Hair!’
‘It’s okay for a poltergeist to bust up family heirlooms, but they better not mess with the chocolate chip cookies!’
‘I don’t trust people who don’t have lips.’
‘What we need are self-licking envelopes.’