‘Tai Chi is the Chess of Hokey Pokey.’
‘I feel a smidgeon under-smited, I do.’
‘What holiday could possibly justify chocolate chicken?’
‘The problem is that reason, as we’ve come to know it, doesn’t run the universe.’
‘I only need a half gallon of sleep each night.’
‘Oyster snorting causes a ripple in space-time.’
‘If you’re flexible enough, you can bend your knees into the 16th century.’
‘The moose failed to clear the vehicle; no citations were issued.’
‘There’s nothing more practical than singing Olivia Newton John songs.’
‘I’m pretty sure that if I just say a silly rhyme I’ll be transported back to the Earth I’m familiar with.’
‘Heartburn is what you get when you’ve just eaten your beloved.’
‘I don’t wear coffee, and I don’t fly naked, but STILL!’
‘The Chicken Sage has more dignity than that guy from Police Academy.’
‘Now, now… Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.’
‘A water balloon full of salsa – now THERE’S a bad idea.’
‘Infinity doesn’t necessarily mean you’re screwed.’
‘They expect me to pull some instant chemistry out of my ass like some demented hat trick.’
‘Do you know how much rigatoni it takes to make a ribcage?’
‘If I was going to eat dirt, I think that I’d boil it first.’
‘California is just one big Whitney Houston song.’