‘I prefer not to be judged by the color of my banana.’
‘Did anyone ever tell you you’re not a meatloaf?’
‘Yes, let’s NOT talk about how your brother-in-law is like a milk dud.’
‘I don’t think I could sleep with a bucket of spit next to the bed.’
‘The only pink meats are pork, fish… and flamingo.’
‘The outer solar system has more moons than a college frat party.’
‘Nothing is going to change the way I blow up zombies.’
‘Turtles are cheaper when they’re cold.’
‘I think it’s bad luck to stuff an albatross inside a turkey.’
‘There’s nothing funnier than floating space pancakes!’
‘If god were smart he would have set the whole universe up as an affiliate marketing program.’
‘There’s no such thing as a peanut butter sucking vampire.’
‘How come you never break yolks when you don’t need to not break them?’
‘It’s very hard for cows to hotwire things, what with the hooves and all.’
‘I never thought I’d have to explain that I meant the phrase ‘release the turtle methane’ literally.’
‘I’ve got a pricing gun and a blow torch here that say you’re wrong.’
‘Good people eat seals one bite at a time.’
‘It’s like trying to teach jellyfish how to do calculus.’
‘It’s all fun and games until someone loses a toupee.’
‘I think you’re overidentifying with your waffle.’